I am the guy who wrote to the late Chief Rev. K Sri Dhammananda regarding Buddhist attitudes towards homosexuality. I was quite fortunate enough that I managed to seek his advice and views on this matter before he passed away back then. His article was published here by the owner here after I sought for Chief Rev consent to made the email available for everyone’s reading.

As a Buddhist gay myself, I would like to share with you my views. Firstly, what prompted me to write that email to Chief Rev that time. I like yourself, am confused and unsure of what Buddhist views regarding homosexuality back then. But when Chief Rev replied me, I find that the letter CLEARLY explains about this matter. In my view, you are very lucky indeed to have someone special in your life. My advice is instead of thinking and pondering this matter and get yourself confused if you break the precept or not, why not take this opportunity to sustain the good relationship you have built over the past 5 years.

Being a gay myself, I have gone through a few relationships but could not sustain it due to personality clashes. Many gays like me always yearn for a sincere honest relationship with someone we love. But maybe due to karma or fate, I somehow can’t find the right partner. So my advice is right now you have a good partner – why not think positive and instead of trying to confuse yourself further, love your partner as before. Maintain that sincere monogonous relationship. Make love with him when necessary and don’t think too much is it wrong or right to have sex with him. The problem with us human being is we always tend to think a lot – esp negative things. We always complain why we don’t have a relationship after seeing many ppl having one. And when we have one, we also complain why we are still not happy with the existing one and rather be free from relationship. Similarly, we always complain why we are not rich, why we don’t have kids, why this and that. BUT if we think positive and look at the world around us – the tsunami victims, the poor, the destitute, the ill, the impoverished, the malnourished, we SHOULD BE THANKFUL that we are better than them.

So compare yourself with those worse than you. Then your mind will stop wandering about the 3rd precept. This is the best medicine or solution to your problem than seeking so many advices that may even confuse you further.

I’ve learnt and practised this thinking and it works.
I end here with well wishes to your and your partner.

Metta,
Your Buddhist brother